Happy Holidays

Suddenly, and without warning, it is Xmas time. Winter has officially arrivian (it is a word now) and the holidays are here. Some are past. Some are Friday. This Friday. Crap.

I've had a weird year. It hasn't been a bad year, but it has been a weird year. I've fallen deep into a cozy little hole. And while my hole is lovely, warm and inviting, it is a hole. Decidedly cave-like. I need to get out more. I need to reconnect. I need to leave the cave and wander around in the sun. Well, when the sun comes back. Winter isn't exactly handy for cave leaving.

Red Eye, Red Ass

A few notes from the very crowded overnight flight I was just on. 

1.  When I look at the armrest of the seat in front of me, I shouldn't see a foot. No matter how well pedicured.  

2.  Do you really need to rotate your whole body every 15 minutes? There's shifting positions and then there are in flight acrobatics. One if those is ok, the other is what you've been doing all night. 

3.  If you are going to play with your iPhone, that's cool. But note: it lights up. Meaning you don't have to turn on the brightest overhead light in the history of man causing me to wake up and yell "dear god, why!" at you.

4.  If a very tired person wakes up and yells "dear god, why!" at you evey time you turn on the overhead light, maybe you should turn it off, not leave it on, while you fiddle with your self-illuminating iPhone, probably writing passive aggresive notes about how she snores and keeps fidgeting with the armrest. 

My Sweet Life

Sweet Life, originally uploaded by unrepeatable.

Today we hit the big Ferry Building Farmer's Market. We picked up a bunch of basil and fancy tomatoes, some fruit, some greens and a big sweet bunch of mint I plan to make into delicious fresh mint tea after dinner. Then we headed to a nearby Thai restaurant for lunch- away from the maddening crowds. After lunch we went back into the fray- picked up some fancy (and allergy fighting) local honey and some salami and bread. Oh, and coffee. For drinking then and later.

And I couldn't help but think: This isn't how unemployment should be.

I'm still early enough in the struggle that I'm not watching every penny. I'm also lucky enough to have a partner with the same tastes and a nice (and seemingly) secure job. I'm worried, but reality is still pushed far enough back that it isn't consuming every moment. Panic only seems to seep in in those quiet pauses. When I sit still enough to realize what's happening. Really happening.

I'm not homeless. Obviously, I'm not going hungry. I'm still paying my bills. I've got mint tea and urban honey and I've got somebody to take my mind off reality. I've got a pretty sweet life.

you? really? i thought you were dead.

i've been remiss in my blogging duties. 

which is fairly obvious.

i was pretty sure my funemployment would turn into a whirlwind of blogwriting and selfbetterment (yes, those are both words).  it, however, has not.  while there has been some selfbetterment (i've been taking some time to do some actual physical activity beyond walking to get my morning latte), my blogwriting has suffered. 

and by "suffered" i mean "stagnated."

i'm offering no explainations or solutions.

or promises.

BUT.  all that is (not was, just is)  unrepeatable can now be found on my tumblr.  unrepeatable.tumblr.com. which is more fun.  and perhaps slightly less stagnate.


bon voyage, self

my plan had been to keep you, dear internet, posted on the state of my funemployment. this has, obviously, not happened. but that is ok. it hasn't really been that fun. yet.

tomorrow i head to the UK for a few days, then on to the netherlands. i'm only visiting countries that start with "the" as i find that they are more important than countries that do not.

definite articles make all the difference.


Tomorrow is my last day of work. After work, I'm getting a haircut and packing my bags for LA (well, bag- singular, I doubt I need bags- plural for a 2 day trip to LA). And that is how I am kicking off my funemployment. Who needs to deal with reality when we can escape from it?

Well, I do. And I plan on dealing with it, but not until Tuesday. Monday I have to renew my driver's license. Priorities.

My plan for dealing with unemployment is simple- find a new job. And while looking for that new job, brush up on some of those skills I have listed on my resume but maybe haven't used in the last year. Take a class. Get outside and enjoy the city. Enjoy this "time off" enough that I am rested and energized and eager to get back to work. And if I'm not, find out why and fix that.

I'm glad I'm being laid off- I'm looking forward to new opportunities. Really. I'm glad I'm getting the chance to go to London and Amsterdam with Mark. I'm excited for all of that, but I'm dreading what will come after it. The boredom, the sadness, the lack of direction and purpose and the distinct feeling of worthlessness that I can feel brewing in my gut even now. This sickly sad bile that I am suppressing with plans for museums and gardens and tea.


So tomorrow ends my employment and begins my funemployment. And this will be good times, come hell or highwater.


Flowers!, originally uploaded by unrepeatable.

I know this is a terrible picture. The combination of lighting and poor color choices make it virtually impossible to take a good picture in the office. But that is neither here nor there because in person these are some beautiful flowers.

And they were waiting for me when I walked in this morning.

They aren't from my beau. It isn't my birthday (in fact, it is decidedly not my birthday, it is my dear friend E's birthday and I'm very much looking forward to cocktails). I didn't win anything or do anything. Yesterday, I mentioned to a coworker that I thought her flowers were pretty and today they were in my office. Like my own personal desk-sized sun made from a bunch of perfectly formed daffodils. Fantastic.


On Turning Points

I am gearing up for a major turning point in my life.

No, really, I am.

Look, the facts are these:

I moved. In with a boy. I'm losing my job, a.k.a. finding a new job. I'm still mostly newly 30. I just cut my hair again. I bought new shoes and new jeans. These are prime turning point indicators.

But turning where? When? How? I mean, obviously this is the time. This is the moment. This is it. This has to be it. But what is it? Where am I going? How will I get there?

I want to do something more than just move numbers around. I want to make something. Or be part of something that makes something. I want to reach out and touch someone (but not in a sexual way). Or, if I do just move numbers around, do that for something I believe in. And not something I have to trick myself into believing in to get out of bed every morning, but something I really believe in. Like electric cars. Or coffee.

Of course, all this being said, a job would be nice. I could believe in a paycheck. I could get behind some health insurance. I could be a part of something with a dental plan.